I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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