another moral hangover. fuck.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
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It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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