I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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