i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize