Betty ford says i'm here all night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
