I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
