What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
