so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
