I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
