tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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