I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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