I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i drank out of a bidet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
