this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My bed smells like the plague
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
