drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
