Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
