remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
