apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
