His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
