im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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