I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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