spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
