i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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