so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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