I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
