seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
