After last night, I could never be a politician.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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