i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
