im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
