I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
