There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
