i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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