you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
