She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
