I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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