Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
40s are totally the cure
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
