I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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