Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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