38 yer olds are good kisserssss
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
