I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
