I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
