What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
