oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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