Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
