if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
