Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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