I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
