He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
