I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
