Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
