im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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