I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
