First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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