You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
