Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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