We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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