Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
thus making me awesome and them whores
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
