the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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