what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
