I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
