There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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