Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I supernannyed him into submission
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize