I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
