What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
