toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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