Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
