But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sext me about skeletons
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
