hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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