Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
