why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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