the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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