I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
