Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
