I am in a vortex of obligation.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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