i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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