its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
