i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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