So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize