Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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