somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
