So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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