Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
