Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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